PART FIVE: Solace and Solitude
by Jackrabbit2011
Summary: Rose Tyler was in charge- she could go anywhere in time and space, and the Doctor HAD to take her there. But maybe she’s crossed a line- perhaps doing this trip for her would cost the Doctor a lot more than a loss of authority…
1. Torn

**A/N: Sadly, the last of my series where Rose is in charge- oh well… perhaps I'll do a sequel or something- any ideas, people? **

**Right, for now you'll just have to enjoy the chapters that I just had to write- oh come on, this just HAD to be the final journey… **

**Summary: Rose Tyler was in charge- she could go anywhere in time and space, and the Doctor **_**had**_** to take her there. But maybe she's crossed a line- perhaps doing **_**this**_** trip for her would cost the Doctor a lot more than a loss of authority… **

**PART SIX: SOLACE AND SOLITUDE**

**Torn **

**The Doctor **

I didn't know what to say.

How could Rose ask me to take her _there_? Of all the places in time and space, she wanted to go the one place that would hurt to see again.

Gallifrey was gone, and revisiting it would only make that fact all the more concrete.

She's staring at me, biting her bottom lip, like she always does when she knows she done something she shouldn't have. I knew her expressions and little twitches better than my own- I could gauge her very thoughts from a tap, or a blink. I knew her inside-out.

How does she not know me just as well?

How could she ask me that, and expect me to just leap up, and take her there? Didn't she understand? But I could see it in her eyes as the silence lengthened that she did- she'd spoken before she'd thought, just like she always does.

She knew what was going on in my head, I could tell. She knew that it would hurt to go there again, and she wished she hadn't said anything- but she had, and she could see what was happening. My expression as it darkened, my flinch as memories rose unbidden.

Gallifrey, so gold and beautiful to me when I was such a young child; everything magical; huge, unreal. Surreal in it's splendour.

Gallifrey, its towering gates guarded, a halo of light bordering its edges, the second sun rose behind it.

Time Lord's blank, professional faces.

Gallifrey burning.

Everyone I knew. Dead. The Time War-

Lost.

I swallowed convulsively. I _wouldn't_ go back there, not after everything. Not even for Rose would I see its destruction again.

But that was redundant; I couldn't go back anyway. The Time War was Time Locked. Nothing could travel during its era, I tried to tell myself- even if Rose convinced me, I couldn't travel through it without severe damage to reality, to _everything_. One fell trip could cause half the constellations to collapse.

"I can't." I said softly, my voice hoarse, as if I'd been silent for days rather than minutes. "Time Locked. It would destroy everything."

_That's a lie… _

I tried so hard to block the voice in my head, whispering malicious truths I didn't want to register.

_You can't lie to her… _

I can!

_Not comfortably… _

I sighed, defeated. There was no arguing with my conscience- it was the half that was always right. My other half was at 99%. But still…

I wasn't going to Gallifrey, whether there was a Time Lock, or not. I couldn't do it, not now. Not after six centuries of working so hard to move past it, to forget everything I never wanted to see again. Shoved away in one of the darkest corners and ignored.

_Not forgotten though…_

Shush.

But I couldn't keep lying. Not to my Rose.

She was looking at me again, so much guilt and shame and… trust. She believed everything I said to her- how could I take advantage of that? This wasn't another human who needed to be lied to, so I could save them; this was my lovely, trusting friend, Rose.

But I couldn't tell her the truth. Not when she would so badly want to go there. I kept so much from her that she must be so desperate for an insight. Guilt made me close my eyes and look away. I couldn't meet her gaze.

"…Doctor?" Rose's small voice broke through my reverie. I loved her voice. My eyes opened and met hers for a brief second before darting away- I still couldn't meet them, not when I would lie straight to her face.

I opened my mouth- ready to tell her the lies, justify why we couldn't- but no sound came out. I choked and swallowed. I just couldn't do it. I was usually so good at white lies- why was Rose any different?

_You know why… _

No I don't.

But I did- she was closer to me than anyone ever had been; how could I betray her in such a way? Take advantage of her kind nature to avoid something I was too scared to face again? Maybe I was just being stupid; I knew Gallifrey's fate- would it affect me to see it again in its former, unsuspecting state?

What a pointless question.

Of _course_ it would. It would hurt like hell to see everyone again- who I knew was going to die mere days, months, years later. To look into their eyes and know what they didn't… and to not be able to save _any_ of them. Because it was against every rule the Time Lords had created. Never interfere, never change history. But could I restrain myself? Just one slip up…

And the future would be rewritten. People never met and children never born; loves never lost, lives never lived. Planets and universes could be created or destroyed if I meddled. Oh, how many times had I wished I couldn't travel in time? Wished that this temptation wasn't open to me? How many times had I longed to go back- just _once_- to look back on everything, to relive the life I once had?

Countless times. Countless times I'd stopped myself, withdrawn until the longing subsided.

And now Rose was dangling a carrot in front of my eyes. A tantalizing, wonderful carrot… and unbearably forbidden. It would hurt.

She was asking me to do something I both wanted and shrank away from; it was going to hurt so much, for such a long time- but I wanted to see it again. The planet I loved so much. Missed so badly it hurt anyway.

It was so enticing…

I didn't even care about the pain. How masochistic.

Just a few commands, some switches, half an hour to reconnect the chronic boosters and cross-wire jump the Zed Engines into parallel…

But no.

Why was I even entertaining the idea? It was playing with fire- one touch, however fleeting, could (_would_) hurt so much- but this fire was so beautiful, so worth the pain, so difficult to resist-

"I'm sorry." Rose whispered again, and I heard the unshed tears in her voice. "I'm so sorry for asking you that, Doctor."

And the reality hit me again- like a bus- so powerful it almost knocked me of my feet. The knowledge of how much pain this was (Great, I was even _talking_ like I was going now) going to cause me was louder than the rest of the encouraging voices- impossible to ignore. Six centuries trying to forget and I would throw it all away in a heartbeat, for a single glance.

But wasn't that true of everything? Things you slave for, fight for; get thrown away in a split second for something that is completely going to kill you. I snorted in silent agreement with myself. This was like love- exactly the same; the harder you worked for something, the more willingly you tossed it away. Masochistic, stupid and blind.

I was being _so_ human.

I felt the panic build- was I so pathetic that I couldn't withstrain myself? This was going to destroy me. I didn't even _want _to see Gallifrey again; any of it or its people ever ever again. People I knew and missed would live again, only to die like I knew they would, and I wasn't allowed to even save the person I loved most. I would have to stand by and walk away, tortured by the knowledge that they weren't going to survive much longer, despite their blissful ignorance. My friends, my _family_…

This was too much to bear.

But I wanted it so badly.

I hissed through my teeth at the pain that made my shoulders shake; and it was only a taster of the ordeal I would endure. I just wasn't strong enough.

But then I looked again at Rose and my hearts thudded, painfully loud in my sensitive ears. I should have been angry with her, or at the least hurt that she didn't know me well enough; that she would ask me such a thing. But I was neither; she'd made me realise what I'd wanted for so many decades. But this wasn't about that.

This was about whether I could do it.

I met her eyes and smiled against the worry. This was going to kill me, slowly and agonisingly- did I care enough to stop? Was I even capable of stopping? To deny her what she wanted? I wished so badly she could have asked for something less difficult to give- I so desperately wanted her happy- but it was Rose all over, wasn't it? Ask for nothing, but when she did, it was always that which was going to hurt so much to give her.

But could she make me strong enough to deal with the consequences? I'd be reliving everything I'd walked away from, tried so valiantly to forget about- all of the pain I'd endured and lived through, I was going back to willingly throw myself back into.

Was Rose _really_ worth seeing the planet I'd long ago lost, all the people I wouldn't be able to save?

The answer was yes.

She was everything I wanted and needed, and I would give her everything I had, just to see her smile. I stepped forward and cupped her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me, to see my small, sad smile.

For Rose, I could do anything.


	2. Back Home

**A/N: To Weepingangel123, and all the other who've actually followed and reviewed! **

**2. Back Home.**

_She was everything I wanted and needed, and I would give her everything I had, just to see her smile. _

_For Rose, I could do anything. _

**Rose **

Oh, how could I have been so insensitive?

How could I have asked him that, of all the things to ask my friend, the one thing that I knew- even with my limited knowledge of the subject- would cause him pain? I'd seen it often enough on his face; every word he spoke about Gallifrey was lined with longing and heartbreak. He radiated it every time the Time Lord's came up in a conversation, and he was forced to utter those terrible three words over and over again.

"They're all dead."

How many times had I heard him say that sentence in so many words? So simple as individuals, but put together, they were the only thing that caused my Doctor to disappear, to be replaced by a flat, dark mask that terrified me; because he wasn't there any more, the man I cared for, the friend I needed more than air. He was swallowed, and I grew more sure every time he did that one day he wouldn't resurface, and a Doctor I didn't know would take his place. Even the Doctor could only take heartbreak over and over again for so long before he too, snapped.

So why was I helping the process by asking him of _this_?

I hadn't meant to say it; the words had slipped out before I had had a moment to consider them.

Now I'd said it, and it was too late to swallow them; they were too sharp, too painful to try and smother. Instant regret had followed the second the question was free of my lips.

I tried to apologise, to get him to forget that hateful question, but one look at his face and my words died in my throat, like withered flowers.

His face was painful to see.

Turmoil raged on his features; pain and anger and fear all fought a vicious battle to be at the top. They flicked across his face at blinding speed, making my head hurt just to watch.

"I can't." he said softly, and he seemed to wince as his emotions bombarded him again. "Time Locked. It would destroy everything." It was something I'd been prepared for- expecting even- but disappointment still rushed at me, even overthrowing my guilt.

Perhaps it was for the best that he _couldn't_ go there, otherwise I would always have wondered…

And yet, if the subject was closed, why did the Doctor looked so indecisive, as if he wanted to tell me something, but was too afraid to?

His emotions flashed across his face; for once I was seeing everything the Doctor normally kept locked away. I waited for him to tell me, but he said nothing- keeping his eyes closed and refusing to meet my gaze, and I worried that he would never look at me again.

I waited.

Still the Doctor said nothing. He'd been mute for minutes- the oppressive silence almost tangible- and I was reluctant to break it. More minutes passed before I could summon my voice again.

"…Doctor?" I tried; my voice small. His eyes flicked opened, meeting my before quickly glancing away. My frustration grew as he opened his mouth, before choked back the words he desperately didn't want to say. What was so important that he couldn't tell me? Not that I deserved to be told anything, not now. I wouldn't surprised if he never spoke to me again-

I felt a rush of crushing panic as a thought hit me- what if he sent me back to the Powell Estate? What if he left me there, dumped back into my old, boring, pointless life that wasn't going anywhere, ever?

What if I never saw him again?

Anger and pain glazed his expression again, and I felt my fear increase- I'd caused him this. He would be completely within in his rights to take me back and never return. My heart contracted with fear- what would I _do_ without the Doctor?- as I looked at him, dreading the moment his eyes would flick to mine, full of hatred at what I had said, and the small but terrible gesture; pulling the levels that would take me back…

A million facial expressions twisted his features, one after another; he frowned, gritted his teeth, hissed, blinked, blanched and closed his eyes again in the space of a few heartbeats.

And I couldn't bring myself to speak again. I didn't have the right, not when this was my entire fault. My eyes closed shamefully, and I shrank backwards, like a child who awaited chastisement. I kept them clenched shut for several minutes, and when I reopened them again, I saw the Doctor was looking at me with the oddest expression on his face- a mixture of frustration, anger, pain… and something I couldn't name; fondness? I didn't know; it was something almost… loving. I didn't understand; why was he looking at me like that when I'd caused him so much pain?

"I'm sorry." I whispered, my throat thick with tears. "I'm so sorry for asking you that, Doctor."

He didn't say anything, but the strange expression on his face disappeared, and I felt pain shoot through my body, but I couldn't tell why. The Doctor's face became distant, as if the scene before his eyes wasn't the same as mine.

His eyes became haunted, as if he was thinking- or remembering- something that caused him much grief. I saw him mouth words that confused me. To me they looked like names, but I couldn't be sure. He silently said what looked like 'Alina', not that I knew what that meant. The Doctor hissed, as if in pain, and I forgot about the words and focused on his face again. Once more I was struck by my guilt; I should have got used to it by now, by every jolt sliced me up inside with startling ferocity that took my breath away.

"Rose."

His voice- oh how I loved the Doctor's voice- broke through the guilt; with one word it had dissipated into thin air. I looked at his flat expression, and steeled myself for the cold words I was sure to be subjected to.

They didn't come.

Hesitantly, I began to speak, but he cut me off with a single brush of his fingers against my lips. I shut up instantly. The Doctor held my helpless gaze for several long moments, his soft but unyielding hands holding my face in position, making me unable to move. He remained as statuesque for several long moments that were calculated only by my thumping heart, before his hands dropped to his sides and he turned and began to rifle through his pockets until he found his screwdriver.

Arms with the sonic- and some other tool I couldn't name- the Doctor opened a panel in the side of the mushroom-shaped structure. Still without saying anything more to me, he began to pull out various coloured wires and disconnect them, giving some a few quick blasts with the sonic as I watched in disbelief. What was he doing?

As he had read my thoughts, the Doctor began a complicated explanation.

"… just rewire the boosters to a higher setting and give these fibre-optics a blast to destabilise the engines and set them in parallel with the chronic super-structure…" he prattled, my mind having gone blank at 'just'. My mind was struggling to understand- where had the indecision, the pain gone? What had happened to the dark version of the Doctor that had only just been so evident? I couldn't understand the sudden change in his demeanour- I couldn't find my voice, and remained silently watching him, my mouth slightly open as the energy core started up, the familiar whirr of engines that I couldn't see filling my ears. After a while, the Doctor looked up from whatever he was doing.

"Rose, are you alright?" He asked, his tone concerned. I stared at him in disbelief. Was _I_ alright?!

"Am I alright? What about you?" I almost shrieked, and his expression became serious.

"Rose," He said gently, coming to stand in front of me. He didn't look at me, though- as if he were admitting something he didn't want to "You were right; the fact is I'm scared to go back."

"But… it's Time Locked?" I couldn't keep the happiness from my voice- my heart was practically singing. He wasn't going to take me back.

He snorted, his face blank. "Time Locked yes- Time Lord proof? Never. Not even a seventh-level Lock couldn't be bypassed by me; time travel's written in my genetic make-up; etched into my DNA. It's part of me, Rose, and equipped with a TARDIS, nothing time-travel related stops me." His finger tips lightly ran up my arm. "I'm sorry I lied to you." He whispered, looking down. I couldn't speak, and could only pull him into a hug that hopefully said more than words ever could. He was making the hardest decision he'd ever have to make- and although I didn't quite understand it, I knew it was going to hurt him.

And he was doing it for _me_.

The immensity of his sacrifice made tears well in my eyes- I couldn't believe he would do this. Still without saying a word, I concentrated on channelling all of my gratitude and love for my friend into one simple hug.

His arms tightened around my waist to show me he understood.

* * *

The Doctor had remained motionless for several minutes, one hand resting lightly on the blue wood of the inside of the police box door. His eyes were fixed on a point I couldn't see, but I didn't dare break his concentration.

Because it was clear that the Doctor was having a personal battle within himself. And I couldn't blame him; he was facing the one thing he hadn't seen for centuries.

Home.

Hesitantly, I reached out and gently rested my palm over his reassuringly, hoping that whatever happened I could help him. It took the Doctor several heartbeats to register that my hand had covered his, and when he did his eyes met mine, and I saw the complete, uncensored torture in them. He didn't speak, but his eyes said everything.

Help me. I don't know what to do.

Smiling a small but secure smile, I gently took his hand in mine- noticing how cold it was compared to mine- and guided it to the door handle, not breaking eye contact. He returned the smile- even if his was shaky and close to disappearing. I softly kissed his cheek and nodded at the door. His lips lifted and he swallowed, squaring his shoulder and turning to face the door. I slipped my hand into his comfortingly, and felt his fingers tightened around mine. I heard him exhale quietly.

Without another pause he opened the TARDIS door, exposing the world behind it.

**A/N: Hahaha... I am so evil- you gotta wait TWO WEEKS for the next one! Maybe several reviews from all of you would make those weeks go faster?... **


	3. Wild Endeavour

**3. Wild Endeavour **

**The Doctor **

I was right- this was exactly like fire; but so much worse. The pain ripped through me the moment I stepped out, and it intensified with every heartbeats. Tremors tore through my chest like whiplashes, one right after the other, each one worse than the one before, making my breath turn to pants as I struggled to resume control of my shaking shoulders.

But I would have taken it all tenfold for the sight that greeted me.

**Rose **

Everything the Doctor had told me about Gallifrey- not even the sparks of pride and awe that flashed in his eyes with every mention of it; not the sheer respect in the voices of any who spoke of it could have prepared me for it.

I was speechless.

I couldn't find my voice to describe the planet in front of me- even if I could've spoken; there wasn't a single word that gave Gallifrey justice. It was utterly, utterly beautiful.

The Doctor didn't say anything; his eyes said it all. I could see the fierce pain this was causing him, but above that was sheer relief and happiness. He was back; back where he belonged.

"Rose…" He whispered, but even though nothing stopped him from talking, he didn't continue. I smiled, trying to tear my gaze away from everything around me to give him the attention needed. I couldn't do it; it was too difficult. I could have stayed there for eternity, content to exist only to watch.

"I know." I said softly, and I did.

Suddenly, sheer ecstasy rushed through me, and I turned to the Doctor and practically threw myself at him, crying with sheer joy that wasn't even mine to experience. It was like I was feeling half his emotions with him. He hugged me back, so tightly it should have been painful, but I was too wrapped up in what we'd done to care.

We made it.

To _Gallifrey_, of all places!

I heard him laugh- a sound so different from his normal laugh; uncensored, unguarded and completely unDoctorish.

Pulling away, I stared in amazement at my surroundings. "You did it…"

"We did it." He corrected softly, still hugging me. "I never did say by the way- thanks." He held my gaze for several moments, showing me the depth of his gratitude, before turning and pointing at the mountain behind her.

"That's Solace." he said, his voice showing the surprise at saying the name again. "And that's its twin, Solitude." I gazed up at the towering mountains, taller by far than any on Earth, with snow-capped peaks, the rock stained a rich, honey-gold colour by the rising sun- sun_s_, I reprimanded- that were only peeping from behind the smaller of the two huge fells. But the mountains- although stunningly beautiful- weren't the object of my attention; it was the sparkling city that glittered in the smooth break in between the stacks that captured my gaze.

"We're on the continent of Wild Endeavour," The Doctor said softly, his voice still soft- probably with a mixture of disbelief and happiness. "And that would be the Citadel of the Time Lords that you're looking at, Rose." I couldn't reply. I could only stand and stare, until the Doctor nudged me.

"Closer look?" He offered, and I nodded eagerly. The city was so beautiful, I yearned to see what it looked like inside. Abruptly, he seemed nervous and uncomfortable, and I guessed what he was thinking.

"I don't mind- this is your planet; go on, I'll be fine on my own." Once again I saw the unspoken thanks in his eyes, and he looked upwards, at the dual suns that were only half-cleared of the mountains. I sensed that he needed to be on his own for a while, and I was only too happy to explore by myself.

"Chalice and Celandine- I never though I'd see them again." He half-laughed to himself. "Pity they form twin inverted black holes in less than four centuries." He sighed and glanced at me and noticed my dubious expression. "Same meanings as Earth-English, by the way." I nodded in understanding.

"A trophy and a flower, how appropriately matched." I murmured, and he smiled. Once again the curiosity took over and I looked again towards the city that beckoned so invitingly.

"Oh, by the way," The Doctor interrupted, and threw something golden-brown at me. I caught it and held it up, frowning. It looked like a key made from various different metals and plastics all welded together hanging from a piece of worn rope. My eyebrows rose and the Doctor laughed.

"TARDIS keys enhanced with a disillusionment filter- wear it and you'll attract less attention."

I blinked. "Will I attract a lot of attention?" He chuckled, as if enjoying a private joke, but didn't elaborate. "Fine," I grumbled. "Be that way- meeting you here?"

The Doctor shook his head. "I'll find you." I frowned, pondering how he was going to find me in a city as large as the one in front of me, but then shrugged; I'd just have to trust him- he knew what he was doing.

At least I hoped he did.

* * *

Bloody, _bloody_ Time Lords.

I thought as I tried to move slowly and not attract the attention of the thousands of people rushing about nearby. I'd first thought the Doctor's parting statement had been a bit of a joke, but now I realised he had been serious.

I felt so exposed standing in front of so many beautiful people.

It only took a single fleeting glance to determine that these people weren't human (funny how I always compared every alien race we encountered to humans) or even remotely human. All of them had very pale, almost white skin, with astonishingly good looks and the most unusual pale, pastel-coloured eyes. They ranged from gold and bronze to violet and ochre. It struck me what they reminded me of; the characters in a vampire-romance book I'd read as a teenager had had eyes much the same colour (I couldn't for the life of me remember what it was called, something to do with light and the moon- Moonlight? Twilight? Something like that.) I shivered at the connection; the characters in that book had been vampires, and these people were aliens…

Everywhere I looked there were more of them; and they were all _Time Lords._ It made my head hurt to think of them like that; I'd spent my entire time with the Doctor thinking of him as the last and only one of his kind, and now I was surrounded by countless of the same species! It was like being told I actually saw the world upside down.

"…I'm telling you," A red-haired woman in a blue, long-sleeved robe said to her similarly-dressed (but in green) companion as they walked past. "Reverse the polarity and destabilise the Bryon Loop using the kinetic sub-waves and you'll have a complete Eight-degree Fixture."

"No, you use a betaresponsive-unit extrapolator to activate the boost-reversal circuit and you'll jump-start the bi-poid optics into parallel…"

I laughed despairingly- this was a whole world of Doctors! I was lost already. My head swam as more foreign calculations drifted over to me, meaning less sense than Latin, and I flopped heavily onto a stone bench behind me. The bench was on the outer part of the square I'd found myself in, just in front an intricately carved fountain with a stature of two swans (with _two_ sets of wings each) with entwined necks, water jetting through their beaks. The cool, tinkling sound of the water splashing worked to soothe the cacophony in my head, and soon it was clear enough to allow rational thoughts through. I was reluctant to move however, and sat for several moments, just taking in the scene around me.

The cobbled square was relatively small- around twelve metres in all directions- with several other fountains like the one behind me dotted around, and crowds of blue or green-robed (I think the colour depended on the gender, as all the female's had blue robes and the men had green) young people walking across it in small groups. I watched them curiously- was it a universal fashion of the Time Lords, or some sort of uniform? I vaguely remembered the Doctor mentioning something called the Academy a while ago, and I guessed it was the latter, due to the young appearances of the people- not that that mattered when you could regenerate, I added silently. Nearby there were two slightly older people- I guessed mid-thirties, a man and a woman- talking animatedly to each other. The couple weren't wearing blue or green robes- they had red. Maybe it was a sign of adulthood or higher authority?

The woman had a baby- who could have been anywhere between two and four- balanced on her hip, swaddled in a thick, hand-woven quilt. The little boy's gold eyes were half-closed in sleep, and I felt myself smile; I couldn't help it, little children did that to me.

Suddenly, the boy's golden eyes flicked wide open and stared straight at me, and I felt a momentary panic; had my shield failed?

But it seemed it hadn't, because when the child tugged urgently on his mother's arm and pointed at me, the woman looked right through me.

"What, darling?" She crooned, hugging the baby close to her. "What is it?" The child pointed, his eyes fixed dead on me, but the woman's gaze glided over me as if I was mere dust motes. I breathed a sigh of relief as the woman returned to the conversation, and the boy eventually got distracted by an astonishingly turquoise butterfly the size of my hand that fluttered past, allowing me to make my escape.

This silence on my part was getting increasingly frustrating- I wanted to talk to people; but I couldn't, not when I was dressed in 21st century Earth clothes. I eyed a group of Gallifreyians who walked past, all dressed in that same green or blue uniform, and an idea struck me.

What I really needed was a _disguise_.

* * *

Ten minutes and a raided laundry cupboard later, and I was armed and ready for action in red Gallifreyian clothing. It was slightly too big, but I think that was the style- the sleeves were long and overtook my hands, but had a segment cut out, making one side longer than the other; which exposed my hands, in a way. The material was fitted at the waist, defining my waist and making it evidently a female's version. The edges of the sleeves, the hem and the low collar were trimmed in elegant gold embroidery, giving it all a nice effect. I quite liked it actually. It was more of a dress really- whilst the male's version acted rather like an over coat and reached their ankles, the female's extended only to mid-thigh, leaving quite a lot of leg on show. Thank God I'd shaved that morning.

I left my other clothes tucked into a niche at the back of the laundry cupboard and exchange my trainers for a pair of the quite fashionable black high-heeled shoe-boot things- they were nothing like anything I'd ever seen in the fashions of humanity, but I was considering trying to introduce them. I checked my reflection in the glass panel that covered the inside of the laundry door, and grinned.

I bet not even I would recognise me now.

"Time Lord I." I murmured and giggled to myself, before trying to smooth my expression into a somewhat serious face. I couldn't deny it, I looked good- the red was the exact shade to compliment my pale skin.

I was definitely keeping this, time paradoxes be damned.

* * *

Hesitantly, I walked out of the alleyway I was in, into the main street that was still filled with loud people- everywhere, I could see them acting like normal teenagers; the girls were mainly huddled in groups, whispering together and eyeing up a band of shouting boys- all aged seventeen to twenty- who were yelling at each other. I couldn't catch what they were saying, but their behaviour made me smile; it was good to know even age-old Time Lord had had raucous teenage years.

Slowly I reached up and took the TARDIS key from around my neck, my eyes flicking quickly from face to face to gauge the reactions; would they see through me immediately? Or would I just be another young woman out of countless in the square?

No-one paused to stare at me in shock as the key came off completely; no-one yelled or pointed as I pocketed the chain and made my way slowly to a vacant bench, intending to watch the Gallifreyians for a bit.

I was so busy watching the crowd in the middle of the square that I walked straight into the back of a tall, red-robed Gallifreyian with brown hair, stumbling backwards and almost falling over.

"Hey, think you've got an admirer, Cassie!" Someone shouted and several laughs erupted from somewhere behind the man I'd run into, and I felt my face heat as people turned to face the commotion.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see y"- I tried to explain, but my words were cut-short.

I tried to speak, but no words came out as I stared at a face I knew so well. I was drowning in those deep brown eyes I'd stared into a million times, and when I finally found my voice again, my voice was hoarse and strained with shock.

"_Doctor_?"

I stared at him, incapable of saying anything more, still frozen in shock. This was _impossible_… why was he dressed in robes like the other Gallifreyians? Surely he didn't need to pretend like I did; this was his planet after all.

And why was he staring at me like I was a stranger, with absolutely no recognition in his eyes?


	4. Gold, Bronze, Violet and Ochre

**A/N: Ooh, this one's a bit short- oh well, enjoy anyway! **

**To all of you who asked me questions- I'm pretty sure they all get answered! **

**4. Gold, Bronze, Violet and Ochre **

The silence lengthened, and confusion lit up his eyes, and he looked at me, concerned, as I continued to stare into his eyes mutely.

"Er, are you alright?" His voice was the same, the very same; everything about him was so familiar; the curve of his shoulders, his hands, his _hair_.

Everything was identical.

Except… the man in front of me wasn't the Doctor.

His eyes didn't hold the same brooding/sad/deliriously happy expression that the Doctor's did; nor was his usual spontaneous bursts of elation lurking behind them– no, wait, it _was,_ but it wasn't the same. My eyes narrowed as I scrutinized his face as he stared at me, clearly unnerved by my inspection. The crowd looking at us faded away, as I ignored them, my attention entirely focused on the man in front of me that was so familiar and yet such a stranger.

How could this person look exactly like the Doctor, hold his body in the exact same way as he did; even tilt his head slightly as if he was deliberating a life-affirming question, and not be him?

"Are you alright?" He said again, and I noticed that his voice was marginally different as well- an almost incomprehensible difference, but still there.

I didn't answer.

And then he continued in a tone I knew so well. "Listen, whatever it is, I can help- just tell me your name"-

I couldn't prevent the gasp of surprise as the truth struck me- oh course; how could I have been so stupid?! I looked back at him, and saw that worry had replaced curiosity now- he was obviously wondering whether I was mentally competent. But I didn't care; I was still trying to work out the jumble of realisations that had swarmed into my head.

The Doctor was looking at me like I was a stranger, because to him, _I_ _still was_.

His face looked different (more mid twenties than early thirties) his voice different, because he hadn't had them changed by years of grief and pain and anger. His gaze was young and innocent because it still was. He hadn't experienced any of the effects the Time War would cause him.

I wrestled desperately for words, as he was obviously waiting patiently for an answer- I knew enough about the Doctor to know whatever age he was, he wasn't going to leave without the answers to any of his questions, no matter how unimportant it was.

"Doctor?" I managed, and he tilted his head again.

"I'm sorry, have we met?"

My mind wasn't working fast enough to process a believable answer; but I was saved from having to by one of the boys from before- now on the other side of the square, all of them walking in the same direction, towards a huge building that shone like gold, which was obviously some sort of school.

"Oi! Cassie, hurry up. Leave the girl alone; haven't you got enough of them trailing after you already?!"

I saw the Doctor wince and shoot me an apologetic look before turning to the boy and calling back.

"Save it, Omega." He retorted. "Just go, I'll be right behind you." Omega smirked at him and shrugged.

"Yeah, yeah- but with your _impeccable_ reputation, you'll get away with it, no doubt." The younger version of the Doctor ignored him and turned back to me and said something; but I didn't hear because my mind had restarted, and a few things I knew were coming back to me.

An image of a street flashed before my eyes- of me pulling Dad from the road, saving his life. The Reaper appearing, snarling. Because I meddled with history and saved Pete Tyler's life.

The Doctor had said something once about it being the same if you went back in time and met someone you weren't supposed to meet.

"Hey, you still haven't told me your name."

"Rose." I choked out. "Tyler."

The Doctor smiled, but then caught the panicked expression in my eyes. "What's the matter, Rose?"

I must've looked like a terrified deer caught in the headlights, and that's exactly what I felt like. What would happen if Reapers appeared now? When I was on my own without the Doctor? I didn't know how much this younger Doctor knew or what he'd experienced, and I knew for a fact I wouldn't be so lucky this time around if they came for me.

I had to put as much distance between myself and this younger version of my friend, and hopefully avoid the Reapers.

Without pausing I scrambled up from the cobbles and, with one last fleeting glance at the younger Doctor, turned and fled with every ounce of speed I possessed, praying that Reapers wouldn't follow.

* * *

Panic fuelled my flight, and adrenaline pounded in my ears, blocking out all other sounds; which is why it took a long time to realise I was being followed. The sound of dual feet hitting the cobbles bled into my frenzied state in stages, so it took me a long time to realise what the sounds were as I hurtled down alien streets without the faintest idea of where I was going. I risked a glance back and almost stumbled as I saw the young Doctor following only several feet behind.

Damn him and his stupid curiosity, I thought bitterly. His detective streak had never brought us anything but trouble, ever. Clenching my teeth I willed myself to move faster, and somehow my legs managed it, and the blur that was the houses on either side of me became even more smudged.

A frustrated hiss escaped my lips as I glanced back again and saw that he was keeping pace with me with ease- and I knew that although I couldn't go any faster, he would definitely be able to. He was only humouring me until I exhausted myself and stopped.

I _had_ to lose him- but how?

Half-heartedly I tried to get my body to move even faster, but I knew before I tried that it would be no use; I was in shape, of course- with the Doctor you had to be with the sheer amount of running involved- but my body just wasn't a runner's body, and didn't possess inhuman amounts of stamina, like his did. I'd pushed it as far as it was going to go. I hissed, desperation seeping into my adrenaline-fuelled chest. There was no way I could keep this pace up for long; the muscles in my thighs and lower back were screaming and my calves were numb; my breath coming in short, laboured pants.

I gasped heavily, my throat sore, trying desperately to will myself to keep going, but I could feel my legs failing. And the Time Lord behind me didn't sound at all troubled by my pace.

Bloody alien bodies, I swore under my breath as my knees began to buckle, making me stumble several times. But still I kept going, every part of me shrieking now, and a strangled cry of despair slipped through my lips as I heard no sound of retreat from behind me.

I heard him yell something, his voice panicked, but I didn't pause; I risked a glance and saw him slowing down- maybe now I could get away, I just kept going for another few minutes…

Without warning my feet hit air instead of cobblestone and for a second I flailed, and then I was plummeting downwards, fast.

"_Rose_!" I had a fleeting vision of the young Doctor's panicked face before it disappeared from view to be replaced by a stone wall as I hurtled downwards. A short scream of startled surprise erupted from my painful throat, but it was cut short as astonishingly icy water enveloped me. The stunning force with which I hit the water made blackness surge up to meet me, and I surrendered to the darkness and knew no more.

**A/N: You see? This is why you should always look where you're going when fleeing past versions of your time-travelling friend… tsk, such a novice mistake Rose Tyler! **


	5. Lythe House

**5. Lythe House**

I woke up to see gold light streaming into my eyes and I winced, blinking at the harshness; even the soft light was too bright for my startled eyes. It didn't seem to have any origin, and if it did I couldn't see it- my vision was completely obscure by the light.

Am I dead? I pondered idly; there was always a bright light somewhere in the films about dying.

But slowly however, the light started to lose its vitality as my eyes adjusted, and I found I could discern several blurred shapes above me, and the gold engrained into my vision allowed splotches of red to break through as the minutes slipped by. Every moment the blurs became clearer, until they weren't blurs anymore; the red occupied all of my sight and I realised I was looking up at the underside of a red, velvet bed canopy.

Some form of luxuriously soft fabric pressed against my bare arms and legs, and above that I felt the comfortable weight of a duvet- the heaviness the kind you only ever had in really expensive hotels or in rich people's houses. Sleep still clung to me, and it felt as if gravity had been increased; making my arms and legs leaden, rendering me unable to move and get out of the gentle embrace of the bed sheets. I rolled over, the silk sliding over my skin like feathers, and I felt sleep threaten to overthrow me again- it had been quietly manifesting in the corners of my mind, but now it was demanding attention. I yawned hugely and let my mind wander, welcoming the sleep that was surely to follow.

As my consciousness drifted, several images flashed into my mind; faces- people in green and blue robes; a smiling baby held in the arms of a beautiful woman. A courtyard. Another face, brown hair- I felt I knew his name, but I just couldn't remember...

The same person- but also not. Behind me, chasing me; the fear; the anger; the frustration of not being able to lose him. The images were coming in a steady stream now, and I sat up, lost in the memories.

I couldn't run fast enough- whatever pace I ran at he'd match, I knew this. He could catch me easily, but I had to do everything to stop him doing that. The Reapers...

Water- so cold, it locked my muscles instantly; the shock of the temperature making consciousness slip out of my grasp... a shout in a familiar voice. My name, called out in panic. My scream as I fell –

Within an instant, I had leapt to my feet; all thoughts of sleep gone. I looked around wildly; where_ the hell _was I? The room was large and spacious; full of cream, gold, and red; the rich colours all blending into a kaleidoscope as my head whipped back and forth. The light that had woken me was from the two suns I could see blazing in the sky; their rays illuminating the entire room through the three huge floor-to-ceiling windows that covered the entire far wall. There were expensive looking paintings of landscapes, done in rich oil colours, and the chandelier above my head looked to be made from real crystal. I spied what looked like diamonds as well, encrusted along the ring that held the purest white candles I had ever seen. All in all, the room was luxurious, but I was too busy trying to collect my panicked thoughts to really pay enough attention to appreciate it.

First things first, I thought as I gathered a few loose, tangled thoughts together; I had fallen from a height that didn't know into some form of water- a lake or a river perhaps, not that it mattered- and fallen unconscious. _Someone _had got me out, brought me here and put me in this room, where I stayed for god knows how many hours...

"Doctor." I whispered, my voice hoarse as a whole new level of panic became open to me.

_He didn't know where I was. _

I looked around frantically, and then ran to the windows. And almost cried in frustration; one of the suns was at its morning peak, and the other was at it's evening.

_Which one?_ I shrieked. I didn't know which one told the time; it could've been eleven in the morning, or four in the afternoon- and I didn't even know what time I had come here anyway, so I couldn't measure the hours. And anyways, how did I even know if the suns here told the time?! This was a different bit of space; a different galaxy, a different dimension even.

Oh God. I screamed in my head as another thought occurred. What if he left me here? What if he gave up looking when he couldn't find me, and he's not even on the planet anymore and has left me? And, and-

I almost screamed as the door behind me opened- in my frenzied state I hadn't even thought of trying the door- and an older woman appeared, carrying a tray.

"Oh, you're awake, I see." She said, smiling warmly; the smile faded slightly as she took in my panicked position, the terror that must have been evident on my face. "There's no need to be afraid, my dear; my name's Harla- and you are Rose, if I recall? ..." I could do nothing but nod, as my body had frozen, rending me incapable of anything else. At my response, her huge smile returned and see lifted the tray in her hands.

"Though you might be hungry after everything that happened yesterday." So I'd been brought here yesterday, I thought through my panicked haze; the new information already creating scenarios that I didn't want to see.

Without saying anything more, Harla smiled again and set the tray down on the oak table in front of me, the sight of the food making my mouth water; but I didn't relax my tense posture. Out of the corner of my eyes, my mind registered that the door that Harla had come through was still slightly ajar, and my brain whirred frantically, trying to judge the likelihood of me being able to slip past Harla. I studied her as she started speaking again; she didn't _look _harmful, but then again appearances could be wildly deceptive. For all I knew she could be black-belt in Tai Kwan Do and actually be twenty-eight; even though she looked more like fifty and by appearances, she couldn't life a bucket full of paper shredding and toss it over her shoulder.

"... and the bathroom is that door on your right, or you can use one of the others on this floor, if you wish." She continued, while I scrutinised her every move, just waiting for my chance.

It came when she turned towards the bed- maybe she was going to try and tie me up with the sheets? - and I didn't hesitate. I had flicked across the length of the room with a speed that would have surprised me, had I being paying attention to it, and was out of the door- slamming it shut behind me- before Harla had time to glance up.

What immediately struck me as I flew down a corridor was just how big the house was- maybe it wasn't a house, maybe I was a very fancy hotel or something; maybe it was a luxury hospital?- and it occurred to me that Harla obviously wasn't the only person in this building. I kept my eyes out for people, but all I saw was the oak-panelled walls and landscape paintings lining the walls, intercepted only by ornately carved gold candle bracket every few metres. The wholesome red of the carpet blurred as my panicked strides pounded into it; my bare feet sinking deep into the soft material.

I heard a shout behind me- it sounded like Harla. The woman had a loud voice. I still had my face turned behind me when the corridor ended and a stairwell going to the floor below loomed up in front of me, directly in my path.

Fortunately, however, I didn't get an opportunity to fall down the stairs, as I crashed into the figure coming up the stairs instead. He must have seen me coming because I felt the resistance as I slammed into him; his feet were apart, braced against my extra weight as we both teetered on the stairs, on the edge of falling. I looked up into the Doctor's face and felt the panic increase-

_Not again. _

"Hold up, where are you going?" He asked softly, his voice making my heart slow just a fraction. But only slightly- so slightly that it couldn't override my brain as it made me thrash against his strong grip, desperate for him to let go. I couldn't pull away, no matter how hard I tried. Without thinking, I threw myself at him- channelling all of my weight onto his chest, and felt his knees buckle and he slipped backwards, taking me with him. Together, in a sort of unintentional embrace, we tumbled down the stairs- a tinkling sound following as something smashed- the world spinning around and around until we landed with a thump at the base of the stairs, with me on top.

For a moment I forgot I was trying to escape as I took in the rapidly spreading bruise on the young Doctor's cheek. I shot him an apologetic look.

"Sorry." I said meekly, and he laughed; to my surprise, I felt a laugh of my own join his. Abruptly, my smile disappeared as I took in our position; somehow I'd manage to straddle him the process of flinging the both of us down the stairs. Hiding my embarrassment, I got of him and stood up. "Sorry about that." I said again, nodding to indicate what I meant, and he laughed again.

"Don't worry about it; you're not the first half-naked female to leap at me." He answered smugly as he stood up. I blinked at him- I was about to argue back that I hadn't 'leapt' at anyone, but then the rest of his sentence sank in and I looked down.

"Oh, bloody hell." I half-shrieked as I realised that I wasn't wearing... well, that much. "Er, where are my clothes?" The young Doctor laughed even harder, almost bent double with his amusement, and I felt my face heat up even more.

Thank _God_ I'd worn matching underwear.


	6. Cocca

**A/N: Right, so, so sorry people for the long wait! Hope it's worth it... **

**6. Cocca**

The Doctor was still laughing when Harla appeared. The older woman shot him a confused look, which quickly turned to shock as she realised that half his face was stained black and purple. With a startled gasp, she rushed over, and began to fuss.

"Oh, look at you!" She scolded with a loving, almost maternal tone to her voice. He winced as she gently examined the bruise.  
"Now Harla," He said as she continued to fuss over him, clearly uncomfortable. I watched with a satisfied smile on my face, all thoughts of escape having flown from my mind. "This isn't necessary"-

Harla took no notice of him. "This is a nasty bruise, master, and you've got a small cut on the back of your neck that quite deep. It's too shallow for stitches but will need a bandage"-

I choked back a laugh as a faint pink spot appeared on the Doctor's good cheek. It deepened in colour when he caught me watching.

"Er, really now- shouldn't you be taking more care over our guest than me?" It seemed that Harla hadn't noticed me before the Doctor pointed me out, and the moment she realised she transferred her fussing over to me. I flinched in surprise as she ran a critical finger over the small gash on my hand, and took half a step backwards. Harla frowned, annoyed.

"Really, Miss Tyler." The old woman scolded. "We are not here to do you any harm; if we were don't you think we would have done it when my master brought you here unconscious instead of waiting for six hours until you were awake and stronger?"

I couldn't argue with the woman's cool logic, so I muttered a sheepish. "I guess so." And then paused, my eyes narrowing at the younger Doctor, who returned my gaze easily.

"Why are you calling the Doctor 'master'?" I asked, and Harla shot me a patronizing glance.

"I rather thought the master of the house is always referred to as 'sir' or master." Harla replied. "Or are you in disagreement with tradition, Miss?"

I blinked and then looked over at the Doctor incredulously. "Wait a minute, _you_ own this place?!"

"Every inch of it." He grinned smugly. I couldn't get the shock off my in face. "There's no need to look so surprised, Rose."

"What do _you_ want with a house?" I spluttered. "You always said you hated living in them!"

He frowned. "When did I say that?"

I bit my lip, hard- I hadn't meant to say that. "I-I don't know." I lied quickly. "Must have imagined it."

He didn't seem to buy my lie, but didn't say anything more to me. Instead, he turned to Harla and his voice automatically took on a more commanding tone. "Harla, would you please alert Miss Angeletti that there is a smashed vase in the hallway."

With a dutiful nod, the woman scuttled off, and as soon as she had gone he shot me a sheepish look.

"I hate ordering them about, but Harla refuses to call me Doctor or speak if I don't 'give her permission' first." He said, and I smiled. Underneath, my Doctor was there, just in a slightly younger body.

Without meaning to, I shivered, remembering again that I was wearing nothing but black and red lace. I felt my face heat again as I saw the Doctor glance at me, his gaze fiercely locked on my face, as if he was determined to help me retain the most dignity I could in the situation. He half-smiled as I shivered, and without a word shrugged out of the red robe coat thing he was wearing. He tossed the red material at me and I gratefully draped it over my shoulders, the heat of the young Doctor's body making the shivers instantly quell. I glanced over at him as I rolled the sleeves up and noticed he was wearing a deep red shirt with black underneath- the sheer oddity of seeing the Doctor in normal- well, normal_-ish_;the clothes were oddly eighteenth century -clothes made me speechless for a second; something that made him smile. "It's pay by the minute to stare in public." He joked and I realised I'd probably looked like I was slobbering over him. I averted my eyes and stared around at my surroundings instead.

It was a large entrance room with a pair of large double doors leading to the living room. They were flung open- showing the room behind- and made from polished oak. The doors were opposite the front door- which was equally large, if not bigger; and made from the same wood. Two staircases with mahogany handrails flanked the living room doors, sloping upwards to the second floor, which continued in both directions. Everywhere the carpet was deep red- although it faded to a golden cream colour in the living room; there were also several very expensive-looking silk rugs draped over the floor, all of them rich green or pure blue, contrasting nicely with the red.

"How do you afford all of this?" I asked, still gazing about in wonder- everything was clearly expensive, and I was almost positive that the painting's hanging on all of the walls were probably priceless originals. The Doctor had never mentioned that he'd been filthy rich to me- but then again he'd never really mentioned much about his past life. The younger Doctor interrupted my thoughts with a short laugh.

"Oh, I don't live here." He answered, smiling as he directed me into the living room. "I sort of… _inherited_ it and the servants from a close friend of mine. Varen decided he would try the quiet solitude of a TARDIS, so he left this to me. I'm sort of... keeping it, at the moment."  
"So you _don't _own it." I argued, my voice smug- I had an unquenchable urge to annoy him for a bit, after his smugness before at finding me straddling him. He shrugged emotionlessly, as if he had guessed my whim and was refusing to let me annoy him.

"Personally, no- but it's my name on the deeds and I pay the money to keep it running- it's my name on the letters addressed to the house and when people ask for the master of the house it's me they're asking for. So technically, Rose Tyler, I _do_ own it."

I quickly hid my annoyance at his smart reply, and instead looked at my fingernails in disdain. I saw him smirk at me and I hissed silently. Damn him and his young cockiness.

I frowned with frustration- why couldn't I ever best him, even when he's younger?!

"So, Rose Tyler, are you hungry? Because I know I am." The young Doctor asked, his voice mild, and I noticed how his gaze lingered on me for a moment too long. I smirked- he has a thing for me, I thought as I watched him swallow and look away out of the corner of my eye.

Oh Doctor, you are so not going to hear the end of this when I see you again, I thought evilly; treating myself to an internal cackle.

_If_ I ever see you again.

Just as before, my fears returned and I glanced around, confused. Why weren't we getting attacked by Reapers? I was meddling in history just by being here, and still it was going unnoticed. Maybe it had something to do with being on a Gallifrey; the centre of Time itself, more or less.

I noticed him looking at me again, and tried to swallow the fear that I could feel building up inside me. If it hasn't happened already, I tried to tell myself, it won't happen at all.

If only I could believe that.

"Ahem." The Doctor coughed impatiently, and it was all I could do not to smile- even this young he was just the same. "I believe I was enquiring about the subject of sustenance?!" He said poshly, and then relaxed into a grin. "Come on- the kitchen awaits."

* * *

Ten minutes later and I had a huge plate of something that looked and smelled delicious placed in front of me. I tried to control the grumble from my stomach (I wasn't even _attempting_ to curb the mouth-watering) but failed completely, and I shot the Doctor an apologetic look.

"Don't worry about it- you haven't eaten in a while I'm guessing." He laughed and pushed the plate further towards me, and I groaned, picking up the fork next to my hand. I knew better than to think there would be anything harmful in the food or water- this was the Doctor, after all. Young or old, he was still the same person. Hesitantly, I placed a forkful of whatever it was on my tongue experimentally.

And almost purred with taste pleasure at the taste- let's just say, it was mere seconds before the plate was clean. I had to resist licking the plate, and only for dignity reasons. The Doctor's eyebrows rose.

"Like it?" He remarked lightly, and I nodded tiredly. He smiled with approval and motioned to the two people standing by the door.

"Thank you, Yeri." He said softly as the woman picked up my empty plate and took it away. I murmured my thanks and she smiled at me as she walked away. "And Allias," He turned to the man. "Could you please get us the usual."

"Of course, sir." I caught the Doctor's pained expression and grinned.

* * *

The 'usual' turned out to be Cocca; a drink that faintly resembled coffee, but it tasted more like hot chocolate with a sweet fruit aftertaste. Allias brought us one each, and I instantly fell in love with mine from the first sip. Warmth had spread from my stomach to my fingertips in one tingling wave, and I finished mine quickly.

"Here," The Doctor smirked after he caught me eyeing his mug. "Have it." He pushed it towards me and I snatched it quickly, oblivious to the rudeness. He didn't seem to mind though, only smiled as I drank.

"So," he said when I finished the second cup, licked my lips and settled into the softness wool of the woolly blanket I had wrapped around me. He looked at me steadily, and I returned his gaze sleepily.

"Why don't you tell me at what point in my future you crop up, Rose Tyler?"


	7. Librairies and Truths

**7. Libraries and Truths**

I froze.

"I... I don't know what you're talking about." I said faintly, at loss of what to say. The Doctor snorted.

"You are a spectacularly awful liar, Miss Tyler." I looked away. "So, why not just tell me the truth?"

"What makes you think I'm not saying the truth?" I asked, my tone slightly more aggressive than I wanted it to be. The Doctor shot me a look.

"Oh come on- it's not that hard to work out. A strange girl dressed as a Gallifreyian- but quite obviously human- walks into me, and with a look of complete surprise on your face, says my name as if you can't believe you're seeing me in front of you. And then you run like the wind to try and get away from me- as if you're afraid that something will happen if you stay near me"-

"That doesn't prove anything." I argued defensively, and he glared at me.

"Then, if what you say is true- that you _don't _know me at all- then will you kindly explain why you had this on your person?" he asked, taking small metal object from his pocket and putting it on the coffee table between us. My throat constricted as I picked up the TARDIS key and looked at it numbly. How could I explain this?

"It fell out of your pocket when I carried you here," he continued, his voice remote. "And it's a key to _my _TARDIS. So answer my question, Miss Tyler." He leaned forward, his face serious. "Where have you seen me and why are you here?"

I closed my eyes. There was no way I could get myself out of this without telling him. I swallowed and met his curious eyes.

"Your tenth reincarnation." I whispered. "I … travel with you." The young Doctor nodded slowly, taking my answer in. He looked at me and grinned.

"No wonder you recognised me- I look the same."

I frowned. "How is that possible?"

"The first life and eleventh are identical- in appearances anyways…" He leans forwards curiously. "Do I have the same personality? No!" He cut me off before I could answer. "Don't ruin the surprises."

I closed my mouth and nodded, smiling sadly, my throat constricting. I felt my heart break for the man in front of me- he really had no idea what was going to happen, what he was going to lose. I knew that somewhere along the line of time, he would lose that innocent look and that his smile would become less frequent- until he came to meet me, and then he would rediscover some things he lost.

Then, after so many centuries, he would be able to live again.

But no for a long time. Not before he'd had his life torn apart and everything ripped away. Not before parts of him died and were lost forever.

I swallowed my thoughts and forced a half-smile- the Doctor had begun to look slightly worried by my expression. He smiled back.

The moment was lost however, when another servant stepped into the room, accompanied by Harla. The two women bowed- I saw the Doctor wince again- and after a beat, straightened and looked at him silently. He sighed, defeated.

"Oh alright- you have permission." Harla smiled and thanked him- he rolled his eyes at me, and I smiled- Harla turned to me. "Master is uncomfortable with his position, Miss Tyler; he needs to be constantly reminded of it." I smiled.

"He always will be uncomfortable with ordering people around."

Harla looked confused at my use of tense, but the Doctor glanced at me with raised eyebrows, and I winked devilishly. "So, Harla," he said, still holding my gaze- I refused to give anything away, and eventually he looked away. "What is bothering you?"

"Your TARDIS is making bizarre noises." I glanced at him- he had a TARDIS? And then mentally hit myself- of course he did (he'd even _said_ that) he just didn't use it at the moment.

He nodded understandingly. "Is it making a noise like this?" And then he clucked once, coughed, clapped his hands twice and made a sound in the back of his throat that faintly resembled a geese's honk. I stared at him incredulously, as did Harla and the other girl, who couldn't have been any older than me.

"What?" He asked, looking innocently at the three women staring at him as if they were mad. "Whatever are you staring at me for?"

I met the gaze of Harla and mouthed 'don't worry- he's always like this' and she nodded once, smiling, and mouthed back 'I know.'

I laughed quietly and shook my head happily at the Doctor, who was still staring at me as if I were meant to stick up for him. I shrugged apologetically at him.

"Sorry, but us three are right- you're the weirdest alien I know, Doctor. And I know quite a few aliens." She giggled, and he frowned.

"Oh, stop taking their side, Tyler. And you lot," He turned to the two servants with a mocking glare. "Give Cheryl a good kick on her left side, knock on each window panel once and press 3 on the phone and she'll calm down. She's just teething, poor baby." He explained out of the corner of his mouth to me, and I laughed. "Misses her daddy."

I choked on my water and had to spit most of it back into the glass, which was disgusting, but I had no choice- water was streaming from both my nose and mouth.

"Sorry," I spluttered to Harla.

She smiled and shook her head. "No matter dear- you do get taken surprise a lot by him."

"Oh, go away." He ordered irritably, and with one last smile in my direction, Harla disappeared again, the girl who hadn't said one word following dutifully at her heels.

* * *

The library we'd moved onto was beautiful, huge and old. It was circular; its walls lined with floor-to-ceiling bookcases specially curved for the room, with a polished ladder on a runner to reach to higher shelves. The bookshelves covered every wall, apart from a segment that was occupied instead by a huge stone fireplace, where a fire the odd shade of purple was burning happily behind an ornate grate. There were three green leather sofas in front of it, with a glass coffee table on top of another of the silk rugs placed just in front of the fireplace; we were sitting on opposite sofas, facing each other with the table in between us.

"So, tell me." He said, taking a sip of the glass in front of him. "Why are you here?"

I wanted so badly to look away, but I knew he deserved better than that. I met his gaze fully and unflinchingly. "You asked me not to reveal any secrets- my reason for coming here is probably the biggest spoiler, Doctor."

He nodded ruefully. "I'm going to really regret saying that aren't I?"

I smiled. "Depends whether you want a predictable life or not." I countered, and he grinned. "I'd tell you, but I rather think half the universe would collapse."

"That big, huh?" he asked innocently, and I swallowed the agonisingly painful lump in my throat.  
"Oh Doctor, you have no idea." I whispered, and a tear slid down my cheek as I saw him look at me with such openness, such childlike innocence it made me want to hug him and sob.

And I did.

He came over to sit beside me and held me gently as I cried. I couldn't stop myself- the pain of what I knew he would go through was too much to bear. Why did knowledge have to be such a horrible thing?

I leant my head against his chest as the tears refused to stop; he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and kissed my forehead softly. And then my cheek. So softly, so comfortingly, so _there_-

And then _I_ was kissing _him. _

He pulled me gently onto him and I did not protest- I just wanted to kiss him forever. My chest echoed with wave upon wave of pain, and I knew that I would feel it until I saw the real Doctor again- I needed to see him. So much.

Was that why I was straddling him- this time intentionally? Time faded away until all I knew was his lips against mine, the arms around me that were the same as the ones that had held me so many times. Whenever I cried or was hurt or just needed a hug.

My heart stopped and I almost leapt a foot in the air as a loud ring echoed through the house, and I looked at the Doctor. His deep brown eyes were full of questions to what I had just done, but he slowly broke away from my gaze and turned to Harla, who was standing in the doorway. My heart pounded- how long had she been there? I prayed only a few seconds; then she wouldn't have seen me straddle her master. She looked only at the Doctor, and her eyes held only the question of the doorbell.

"Could you answer that for me, Harla?" The Doctor asked, his voice casual, and she nodded subserviently. "Thank you." The moment the woman disappeared, his eyes were on mine again, and I saw the worry in his eyes that was mimicked in mine; that wasn't supposed to happen. I bit my lip and was about to say something when the voice in the hall drew me up short in shock.

"Oh hello Harla," Said a cheery, very familiar voice. "My name's the Doctor and I've come to get my companion back. Mind if I come in?"


	8. A HeartShaped Necklace

**A/N: Right, the last chapter that should have been updated AGES ago! Sorry, people I went to Greece... **

**8. A Heart-Shaped Necklace**

"Doctor!"

I screamed and threw myself at him. He hugged me tightly- so much like the embrace I'd just been in- and whispered smugly in my ear; "Sorry about interrupting you snogging me, by the way." I pulled back, embarrassed but also confused. How did he-

"You know about that?"  
"Sure. Happened to me when I was that young. Nice robes, by the way. Suits you _way_ more than those chavvy London stuff." He winked, running a cursory glance over my new outfit (subsequently making my cheeks flame at the look on his face) He grinned widely at my bemused look, and then looked over my shoulder, where the younger version of the Doctor was leaning against the library doorway, looking at his older self with open curiosity.

"Oh, _please_ tell me my hair looks like that now, Rose- it's _ace_!" My Doctor begged me, walking over to the young Doctor and walking around him critically. "All fluffy and tufty and brown. Shame about the brown; this would look _so_ nice ginger…"

The younger Doctor shot me a slightly unnerved look, and I tried to look as nonchalant and as reassuring as possible, as if I'd known all along that my Doctor would could waltzing in. Which, of course, couldn't have been farther from the truth.

"Stop it." I said, crossing my arms at my Doctor. "You know he's probably equally as confused as I am- no, actually even more so." The older version tilted his head in agreement.

"Weelll, I suppose having yourself walk through your door _is_ slightly odd. Sorry about this." he said to his younger self, who had recovered by now and was grinning at my Doctor, the exact same expression mirrored on the older's face. "It's just her mother _will_ kill me if I leave her here."

I frowned at him sternly. "Leave my mother out of this- he doesn't meet her for seven hundred years; he doesn't need _additional_ scaring."

The Doctor laughed. "True. Now, I rather think that myself would like an explanation?"

"Er, wouldn't say no." The younger one said, still looking at himself disbelievingly. I giggled; this must be the first of many times the Doctor ran into himself. My Doctor grinned.

"Right-ho. Let's go in the library; that was always my favourite room in Varen's house." He glanced at the younger one. "Have you read _Moonlight's Winter Child_ yet?"

"I guess not." I remarked on the blank look on the Doctor's face. My Doctor sighed.

"Shame- that one's a good one- make sure Omega gives it to you." He said, and then fell backwards onto one of the greens sofas; making sure he made ultimate use of it by resting his head on one arm rest and his ankles on the other.

"Take a seat." He said casually, his eyes closed.

"Oh, act like you own the place." I teased, and he cracked open an eye.

"Er, I do actually, Tyler- so shush up."

I paused and raised an eyebrow at him as I remembered something. "Cassie?" I murmured out of the corner of my mouth, and my Doctor winced.

"Don't judge me, Tyler- it was a nickname, alright?" I smirked and shrugged. My Doctor scowled at me, and then turned to himself, as if he didn't want the conversation to continue. I grinned to myself as he spoke-

"Right, assuming I can still recall my exactly feelings on the day this happened to me, and I can- which, considering it was more than seven hundred years ago, is quite good- then I shall say this; I actually really _am _you, Doctor." I blinked, and then realised that, the Doctor having already had this conversation, would know what the younger Doctor was thinking; and he seemed to be contemplating that the man in front of him was an imposter.

"Spatial dimension relation-jumps." My Doctor said, and the other Doctor frowned. "Using re-boosted fibre-optics with a parallel chronic regulator."

"The parallels are locked- the only way they could be surpassed is if..." he hissed and looked at his future self, who stared back expressionlessly. I felt a surge of pity for the Doctor's younger self as he sat down heavily, a horrid realisation in his eyes.

"So it happened then." The Doctor's past self said softly, and my Doctor nodded, the ghost of pain in his eyes so evident.

"You can't stop it- even though you'll try."

"I'm so sorry, Doctor." I whispered, and he nodded silently, his eyes still locked with his future. I swallowed- how could I even begin to understand what the two of them were feeling?

I looked between them as they stared at each other; either looking at what they used to be, or what they would later become.

**The Doctor (110 yrs old)**

The man in front of me was so obviously me.

He had the same eyes, the same way of smiling; he held his shoulders back in exactly the same way as I did.

And yet he so different.

I looked into his eyes and saw what I would become. He wasn't me- a lot of me wasn't there, not anymore.

Where had half of me gone?

His eyes held humour- a lot of it in fact, I'd just seen it- but there was also a constant ghost that flickered behind it; there was a lot of pain in this man's eyes. His face was worn and so very tired; his expression was one I would associate with someone who had seen many a century slip by.

"Nine of them." He answered my unasked question- of course, he would know every thought I was having, because he had had them as well.

"It's nice to know I live that long."

"There are _several_ close calls."

I smiled, and he smiled back –the exact same smile- but I saw the sadness behind it and I swallowed. What was it that I would go through that would put such pain behind my eyes?

"Loss."

It was my future companion, Rose, who answered; maybe I'd said the question out loud, or maybe my expression was just obvious on my face. I, of course, hadn't yet learned how to push half of the pain away so that nobody but me would see it, like_ he_ had. Her response intrigued me- what would I lose?

How much would I lose to become so tired and pained as I now knew would be?

I studied her face and didn't like what I saw there. There was a lot of sadness on both of their faces- for me. I felt dread well in my stomach.

What was so bad that it would make me look so tired and haunted, and make Rose Tyler cry so many tears for me? I didn't want to think about it. I had a very horrible feeling that I knew what it was.

And if what I thought was true, I could truly say that every ounce of pain in my future eyes was completely justified. We all knew about it- we'd heard the rumours of darkness brewing, far away but getting closer….

I closed my eyes.

I didn't want to think about it.

"When?" I whispered, without opening my eyes. I heard Rose Tyler stifle a sob.

"Soon." I heard him answer, and I nodded silently, resigned to my fate.

Soon, it would be over, and I would lose half of me forever, and become the man sitting in front of me. I swallowed and straightened my shoulders; opening my eyes and staring at my future self unflinchingly, feeling no fear for what I knew would happen.

"I do not fear the future, Doctor." He smiled at me, and nodded.

"So you shouldn't." He said softly. "There is always something worth living for- remember that, Doctor." And with that he stood up, the Tyler girl following instinctively. I smiled- they couldn't see it, but I could. I caught the Doctor looking at me, and I held his gaze for a second, and then purposely sliding my gaze over to Rose. He nodded- perhaps to show he understood, perhaps to agree; I didn't ask.

I would know one day.

* * *

**Rose **

The Doctor stood up and silently put a hand on his past's shoulder; their gazes locking for several heartbeats, before the hand dropped and my Doctor slipped past, and without another word he'd disappeared through the library doorway. I looked longingly after him and started forwards, the other Doctor following.

When I stepped through the now open front door, my Doctor was leaning against the doors of the TARDIS, several hundred yards away, his face expressionless as he waited for me to say my goodbyes and join him.

Before I left, I turned to the younger Doctor and smiled, holding out my arms. He stepped into them and I held him close, burying my head in his shoulder. He kissed my forehead again.

"Meeting you is one bit of my future I'm _very _looking forward to." He whispered, holding me tightly. I laughed into his shoulder, and then a thought occurred to me, and I broke away.

"Here." I said, as I reached up to my neck and unlinked the necklace around my neck. "Take this." I held out the silver necklace with a small heart hanging from the end. "It was given to me when I turned eighteen by my mother- she got it on her eighteenth as well, and so did her mother. Take and keep it safe." I hugged him tightly again and whispered in his ear, my throat thick with tears. "Use it when life gets really hard, and remember that you've always got our meeting to look forward to. There's _always _a way out." And I kissed him again; my face lingering close to his even after I drew away- I tried to say more, but I couldn't get past the lump in my throat.

This was too hard.

"Go." He whispered, and without another word I ripped my hands from his and ran with every ounce of speed I had towards the waiting arms of my Doctor. I threw myself at him like a drowning person would a life raft, and he held me just as he had eight hundred years ago whilst I cried for him and his past. I felt him guide my gently into the TARDIS and shut the door behind us, and then my legs left the floor, just before they buckled under the weight of my tears, as he carried me- seemingly effortlessly, despite our similarities in weight- to the faded yellow seats, where I slumped, the tears cascaded down my face. He sat next to me silently as I cried, my eyes aching for the amount of tears that had fallen from them in the last hour.

Gradually the flow stemmed until my sobs subsided and I was left feeling hollow and empty. My shoulders shook, but there were no more tears.

"I'm sorry." I choked hollowly. I didn't even know what I was crying for, but then again I did. I was crying for all the pain I knew but didn't know the Doctor had suffered, and I was crying for the pain I knew that the Doctor I had just left would suffer in the time to come. "_I'm so sorry_."

"It's alright Rose." He said quietly, his hands holding mine gently. "It's fine." I closed my eyes, but he held my face and forced me to look him in the eye.

"You helped me more than you'll ever know, you know." He said softly, and reached into the voluminous depths of his overcoat. Pulling his hands away, he showed me what he'd kept safe in his pocket for eight centuries.

It was worn- the chain looking like most of the original links had been replaced-and rusted in places; the rest that wasn't was a dull, almost translucent silver colour. The heart was cracked and almost all of the diamond were missing now, but it was the most lovely sight I'd ever seen.

"You kept it?" I asked, my voice astounded, and he nodded.

"Through everything that happened, Rose- I had this, every step of the way. When I was imprisoned by the Judges of Vladir, I took this from around my neck and looked at it, every single night without fail, watching the moonlight glint of the diamonds. That sight became my life for three decades. It kept me sane when I saw no-one at all for days on end, and all I had was four featureless walls to stare at.

"Back then it still had the diamonds, but they got lost in my travels. Sorry about that." he added sheepishly, but I didn't give a sod about the diamonds. I just couldn't believe he'd kept my necklace that I had given him so many years ago.

"So... I was always going to meet you when you were a hundred and ten?" I said slowly. Thoughts were running around my head like puppies- about what the Doctor had said; about me kissing him when was 'that young'. About him saying to me, before I even went into Gallifrey, that he would find me.

And now he was showing me the necklace I just given to him, but his younger self.

"Yes, Rose."

"Why did you never mention you'd met me before?" I asked.

"Would you have ever done what you did had you know you would?" he asked, and I knew that honestly I would never have asked him to take me there, to see him before the War, to kiss him so uncontrollably; to do any of it. I winced; _especially_ not running around in my underwear.

Had I known, I would not have done any of the things I did.

I smiled tenderly at him, even though he didn't see because he was busy tapping controls, as if he had decided the intimacy of the moment had reached its peak and so he had to cut it off immediately.

"Doctor?"

The Doctor looked up, and put his hand over mine, holding my gaze.

That moment was moment I didn't ever forget.

Even after everything that happened later- even after I was screaming for him, trapped on a parallel world, saying goodbye to him for the first time... … that single, fleeting moment stayed with me; engrained into my thoughts, my dreams. Even when my world ended, it stayed with me; offering me salvation when my life crumbled and I lost everything. Lost him.

Our gazes remained locked as he smiled at me. Innocent. Happy in the present, not looking to tomorrow. Not seeing what would happen. Not wanting to.

"Onwards and upwards?" He asked me, and I smiled back and nodded.

"Onwards and upwards."

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed-especially Lizzle09- even after you had to track the next bits down! I hope you liked it!...**


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